I'm scared..

I'm in love with the song by Duffy - I'm Scared. But instead of being scared of facing another day cos being left by someone, I'm actually scared of facing another day and losing someone..

I never felt like this my whole life - having the fear of losing someone. Knowing the fact of something good shall end anytime, makes it even harder to accept. I know people always tell us to live our life to the fullest and regret nothing, to love wholeheartedly and expect nothing, to live the day as it is.. But still, I can't stop the feeling that I feel and I can't act as if everything will be fine - when I know it won't.

I can't say anything nor can I do anything. I want to care so much but at the same time, I'm scared of falling so hard when the time comes. I tried not to care, but how could I? I tried to ignore of what I'm feeling, the fear in me.. but things, petty things we talked about would make me start to think and feel it all over again. And for the past few weeks, I've been feeling something that I do not like. I can't stop it, it's in my head. I'm scared that oneday you'll come up to me and say 'I found someone, the friend that I once told you about' or oneday you'll go back to your hometown and meet someone, or actually have someone there, worst still is if oneday you'll say you don't have feelings for me... These are the feelings that I can't stop thinking, feeling and fearing.

I guess I sound pathetic, but it's just that - I don't wanna miss anything with you. I could always act cool and just be myself, but I don't want to. Cos I want to feel you, I want to be able to remember when the time comes where you won't be here by my side, cos truth be told - you're the best thing that ever happen to me.. I never wanna lose that, but at the same time..I'm aware of the facts.

As the saying goes, all thing comes with a price, so I guess this is the price I shall pay for wanting to feel and be with you.