I want my tomorrow - NOW!

I feel like tomorrow is just too far away. I can't wait for tomorrow to come, I can't keep my head off it. But why does it feel like ages for the time to pass by? I kept looking at the clock and each time I look at it, the hour and the minute still remains the same!!!!!!

Am I freaking out again? I'm being restless once again.. Why does tomorrow has to be so far? Why aren't the clock moving??! Is it broken?? Should I sleep all through the day? So that when I wake up, it'll be tomorrow? But I just woke up.. I can't go back to sleep again.. I'll just toss and toss around, and end up being more restless than before!

I hate this feeling.. Why does my heart pounds so fast? Why am I all sweaty? And my stomach is churning... I don't feel so good.... And now my head is wandering to a place I dread the most?! Stupid head, stop wandering about!!! Stop thinking!! I can't stop it, it's all happening at the same time. I hate this feeling, I hate it, I hate it, I hate it....

The sun'll come out
Tomorrow
Bet your bottom dollar
That tomorrow
There'll be sun!

Just thinkin' about
Tomorrow
Clears away the cobwebs,
And the sorrow
'Til there's none!

When I'm stuck a day
That's gray,
And lonely,
I just stick out my chin
And Grin,
And Say,
Oh!

The sun'll come out
Tomorrow
So ya gotta hang on
'Til tomorrow
Come what may
Tomorrow! Tomorrow!
I love ya Tomorrow!
You're always
A day
A way!

I'm listening to that song at the moment, and yes, I LOVE TOMORROW! But trouble is, it's a day away!!!!!!!!!!! Waiting for a minute to pass takes an eternity! I hate being restless like this. I hate.... My feelings are all jumbled up. And my head feels like it's gonna pop any time soon... Soon... Soon...

*too tired to blab any more*

Today Is a Good Day

Okay, today actually didn't turned out to be as bad as I thought it would. I was kinda edgy and restless at first when I woke up. That was whyI decided for the movie marathon. Although I actually cancelled myself for the movie thingy, I did however, had a great day today.

I get to see someone I miss the most! Oh, how my heart was racing fast when I saw you... and how I wish I could just touch that face. I can't stop myself from smiling at the sight of you, and my heart was filled with joy a sense of warmth. I just wish it would never end!

It really is a wonderful sight, and I'm glad I missed the movie marathon, cos never in my life would I wanna miss this chance.. I've been missing you for too long now dearest.. and I thank you for helping me get through another day.. I know we don't need words to express how we feel for each other, cos deep down, we both know we're in each others' heart and thoughts..

I'm just so happy today!!!! I feel like singing~ I feel like I'm walking on air~

*breathless*

It's a Sunday!

I'm awake.. and today will be my fourth day being a mute. Today is a Sunday. Should I go out or should I not.. Lemme check the movie schedule first what is on.. I love you Beth Cooper, Imagine That, Orphan, and Up. What should I watch?? Should I watch all? A movie marathon day? Lemme check the time..

I LOVE YOU BETH COOPER (18PL) ENGLISH 11:00 AM 01:40 PM 04:10 PM 06:40 PM 09:10 PM 11:45 PM

IMAGINE THAT (PG13) ENGLISH 11:45 AM 02:10 PM 04:35 PM 07:00 PM 09:30 PM 11:55 PM

ORPHAN (18PL) ENGLISH 11:00 AM 01:45 PM 04:15 PM 06:45 PM 09:15 PM 11:45 PM

UP (U) ENGLISH 12:00 PM 02:30 PM 05:00 PM 07:30 PM 10:00 PM 12:30 AM

I could take Imagine That at 11.45, Orphan at 1.45, I love you, Beth Cooper at 4.10 then Up at 7.30.

Sounds like a plan, huh? But I just hope the cinema won't be full tho.. I hate queuing for more than 30 minutes..

Things I think when I have too much time to waste

Having so much time to waste these few days, I decided to figure out what do I what out of life. I've always been sure of myself when it comes to this matter. But however, along the way, I've lost the security I used to have. I was always sure of what I wanted to be, where I wanted to live, how I wanted to live, etc.

Decisions are now so hard for me to make, I have many elements around me affecting on the decision I make. I guess it was never hard for me last time because I never cared of others, I never bothered to listen, I never let anything gets in my way, cos I want what I want - no compromise.

I actually hate being in a state of unsureness. I like things to be well grounded, I like things to be black and white, where I can confirm things, where I can be sure it's a real deal. I was never the type to sit around and wait for something that may or may not be there. I would always look for something that I can see for myself - seeing is believing. But then again, somehow...along the way.. I lost that too. I do not know whether it is a good thing or a bad thing, being this vulnerable. Being in a state that I was never in. A strange place indeed, and I do feel afraid, I do feel insecure.

I somehow wonder who am I today. What ever did happened to me along the way? Why on earth did I lost myself? I actually do not know...

What is it in life that I want now? At the top of my head is one particular person, someone that could make me fall in love over and over again, someone that never failed to take my breath away.. A particular person that I came to love and care so much about, someone that I wish to hold on to for a long long time... But at the same time, this particular person is also someone that could make me go crazy, insane, out of my head! Crazy because I need to know it's a real deal.. Insane because I can never get the grounded answer.. And I'm going out of my head because no matter how hard I try to stop myself, I always end up falling deeper.. I hate these insecurities, being the vulnerable one..

I do not know where or how to get back what I used to have, how I used to be. It is a good thing by the way? For not being too uptight? For not having everything laid out? To just go about without being secured? Just thinking of it makes my head hurt.

*sigh*

I'm Going cRaZy!

A new day has begun, and I greeted it by waking up at 12 p.m., hahahhaha. I can foresee that today will be another day that I'll lose my sanity. OMG, now I've just realized that I haven't spoken for... 3 days straight! Is my voice still here with me? La la la la~ Oh, thank goodness I haven't gone mute. My housemate is sitting next to me, and yet, I have no idea what to talk with him.

Hurm.. Feel kinda hungry actually, thinking of cooking something to eat, but... would it be polite to do so? Since I know my housemate is fasting.. Oooh.. This year would be my first time trying to fast, hahahaha! Lemme see.. On my first attempt, I was able to fast for more that 24 hours, guess I wasn't doing much activities so, didn't really felt hungry. Cool huh? My second day, I was only able to stand for half a day, and then I ate like a pig, cos I was too hungry. My third would be today. Erm, lemme see, the last time I ate was 6pm last nite, so.. wow, few more hours to make it one day. Hahahha.. Never knew I could actually do it. Hurm, will I make it to one day today? Stomach is growling... To cook or not to cook....

Boringnya TV... Since just now, I've watched The Simpsons, Everybody Loves Raymond, Prison Break,and Smallville (now). I've no idea what Smallville is all about. I didn't even bother to look up and watch. The remote is just next to me....... and my hands are itching to take and change the channel. But my housemate looks like he's really into it. Ok, fine.. let it be then.

I've finally decided to make milo. Hahaha.. My stomach is killing me. Should I have some bread too? Guess I'll wait a bit longer, just heard that he's going out to meet a friend in half an hour. Hohohoh~

I think a new show has just started, no idea what show it is though. Gawd.... I'm goin' outta my head! I wanna go out, but it looks like it's gonna rain soon, and I don't particularly like to walk in the rain.. singing maybe, but not walking.. hahaha.. (I'm starting to talk craps now).

Think I'll stop here for now.. and try to hold on to my sanity....

No Muslims at Malaysia Black Eyed Peas concert

The above was the title that caught my attention while browsing through the web this morning. The concert is a part of celebrations of Guinness 250th birthday and is sponsored by Guinness. The ban was due to the moves against beer sales by the opposition Islamic party, PAS and also the sentence of a 32-year old Muslim woman to be caned after being caught drinking beer in a hotel by Malaysian Islamic court.

It's funny how these kind of measurements were taken to the extreme by these group of people. Quoting the news above, "Even without alcohol, foreign bands are subject to scrutiny. Earlier this week, the Pan Malaysian Islamic Party (PAS) said it wanted Danish band Michael Learns to Rock banned from performing as it would cause immorality.

Since 2007, PAS, the country's second largest political group measured by party membership, has campaigned against performances by the likes of Beyonce, Rihanna, Gwen Stefani and Avril Lavigne."

What are they really afraid of anyway? What is it that makes them so paranoid till they want to ban foreign singers from performing in Malaysia? Would it bring good moral conducts to the people by banning these performances? In what sense does the performances cause immorality? The clothing? The dancing? The songs? Well, they might as well ban all the MTV's and V channel on astro then, since the video clips are more obscene than on the concert itself.

It all comes down to personal choices. Regardless of any religion, all religion teaches good moral conducts. None teaches us to steal, or to kill, or to get drunk, or to fornicate, or to do all the bad things onto yourself or others. But why do all the things above being practiced without even the slightest guilt? It's a matter of choices. God gave us the freedom to choose from good and bad. What good would it be if He created us without giving us the freedom? We would be like robots, programed to do whatever He wants, never knowing the reason we do it, never knowing the meaning of it, and never appreciate it.

So, the question is.. Who are we, as human beings, have the right to take that freedom from his fellow human beings? Are we more than God, that we have the right to impose such ban in order to stop people from engaging any immorality activities? Even if such ban are executed, will it stop immoral activities? Who are we to judge what is good and bad, when we ourselves are imperfect?

It all comes down to personal choices, and that choices will be judged by God in the end, not us human beings.

Source: http://www.reuters.com/article/lifestyleMolt/idUSTRE57Q06B20090827

I Can't Sleep ...

I can't sleep tonight.. It hasn't been the same without you here. The day was long, and the night was even longer.

My heart is calling for you, my arms yearn for your embrace, my lips are lonely without your kisses and my eyes are sore without the sight of you.. I miss you so much and I can't escape the thought of you.. I wish to hear your voice, to hear your laughter, to see that sweet sweet smile of yours. You've got me hooked on you, and how you did it I'll never know..

It's raining here tonight, it's a cold and empty night.. I wish to have you here, cos only you can make everything all right, and only you can make my heart aglow and alive, for it beats only for you.

Tomorrow will be another long and empty day.. But I'll be missing and loving you all through the day..

...

It's a torture to know and yet not knowing everything. Still, I hope everything is okay, and what is most important is that you are safe and sound.

I'm always here if you need anything,you know I'm always here for you and that I'd do anything for you.

Hush my beating heart,
don't work too hard.
Take it slow and loosen up,
cos I'm afraid I can't keep up.

A Long Week Ahead

I can feel that this week will pass slowly - a long and weary week..

I wanted to give you a proper goodbye,
I wish I could hug you before you go.
All I could do was to drop by,
and hold my feelings seeing you go.

I wish I could tell you that I'll miss you,
and how hard it is for me to see you go.
I wish I could reach out to you,
and hold you dearly - never to let go.

This week will be a long week,
being here with you being there.
Thinking of it make my heart goes weak,
a feeling it can hardly bear.

But please, if you may,
bring a part of me where ever you are,
for it will surely make my day,
to know that I am where you are.
And if it's not too much for me to say,
I wish for you to know that I am not that far,
and I'll be loving you every passing day...

This week will be a long week...

I MISS YOU!!!!!

Facts That You Wish You Didn't Know!!

The germs present in human faeces can pass through at least ten layers of toilet paper.

The longest recorded tapeworm found in the human body was 33 feet in length.

Edward II was murdered by several of his lords because he gave too many privileges to his homosexual lover. They pushed a red-hot poker through a piece of marrow bone 0.5 metres up his rectum.

Your mouth is one of the liveliest parts of your whole body. More than 100,000,000 micro-creatures live there at any one time.

During an hour's swimming at a municipal pool you will ingest 1/12 liter of urine.

Annually you will shake hands with 6 men who have recently mastrubated and failed to wash their hands

Daily you will breath in 1 liter of other peoples' anal gases.

In a year you will have swallowed 14 insects - while you slept.

75% of fast food restaurant employees fail to wash their hands after using the bathroom.

Cockroaches are so hardy that they can even live nine days without their heads before they starve to death.

Cockroaches carry over forty different pathogens, which could potentially be transferred to humans. These include plague, pneumonia, typhoid fever, and possibly polio, hepatitis, and other diseases you don't want to get.

Between 7 and 42 percent of all paper money contained "revolting bacteria."

A woman who had recently visited South America, where she had been on safari in local rainforest, began to experience severe pains in her left ear, accompanied by headaches, dizziness and constant rustling sounds, at first put down to tinnitus. It became so serious that exploratory surgery was required, which revealed that a spider had become trapped in her ear. Eventually it had eaten through her eardrum and was living within the aural cavity. The rustling sounds were from the spider crawling around inside her skull. An egg sac was also removed.

An extensive scientific survey of rhinotillexomania—nose-picking to you—and 1,200 Wisconsinites agreed to answer a nose-picking questionnaire. The findings included:-

• 66 A percent of pickers did it to relieve discomfort or itchiness.
• 2.1 percent did it for enjoyment.
• 65.1 percent used the index finger.
• Once removed, the nasal debris was examined by most.

Interesting Facts that May or May Not be Useful >.<''

The word "queue" is the only word in the English language that is still pronounced the same way when the last four letters are removed.

A man named Charles Osborne had the hiccups for 69 years.

The average lead pencil will draw a line 35 miles long or write approximately 50,000 English words.

Earth is the only planet not named after a god.

"Almost" is the longest word in the English language with all the letters in alphabetical order.

"Rhythm" is the longest English word without a vowel.

Honey is the only food that does not spoil. Honey found in the tombs of Egyptian pharaohs has been tasted by archaeologists and found edible.

You're born with 300 bones, but by the time you become an adult, you only have 206.

Queen Elizabeth I regarded herself as a paragon of cleanliness. She declared that she bathed once every three months, whether she needed it or not.

Cinderella is known as Rashin Coatie in Scotland, Zezolla in Italy, and Yeh-hsien in China.

Most lipstick contains fish scale.

Mars is the home of Olympus Mons, the largest known volcano in our solar system.

Istanbul, Turkey is the only city in the world located on two continents.

Right handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.

The elephant is the only mammal that can't jump.

The first known transfusion of blood was performed as early as 1667, when Jean-Baptiste, transfused two pints of blood from a sheep to a young man.

In 1873, Colgate made a toothpaste that was available in a jar.

The placement of a donkey's eyes in its' heads enables it to see all four feet at all times.

Months that begin on a Sunday will always have a "Friday the 13th."

Coca-Cola would be green if colouring weren’t added to it.

A Dedication to Sydney

I've always loved dogs ever since I could remember. I would spend most of my time playing with them and just be around them. I remembered each of us in the family would have his/her own puppy, but still, I love them all regardless who it belonged to.

In October 2007, my brother brought me to a dog kennel somewhere in Penampang (I forgot what kampung it was) to help him choose which one of the two puppies should we adopt. It was actually a hard call since both puppies were extremely cute and adorable! They were both German Shepherd puppies, one with light brown colour and the other had dark brown colour. We were there for about two hours I believe, just to choose which puppy to take. At last, we took the one with the darker brown coloured puppy.

Which one to choose?? >.<

Look how scared it is, first time in our car, on the way back to its new home..

On the way back we thought of names we want to name it, and we came up with Rain, Drizzle, Rainbow (since it was raining the time we took it), Lola, and some other name I've forgotten what we suggested. Lastly, after many disagreements, my brother said "Since the mother came from Sydney, Australia, why not we name it Sydney?". So, that is how the name Sydney came to be.

Since it was my semester break that time, I spent the whole semester playing with it. I could never get bored of playing with it and I would make sure that the feeding time was on time. But from the beginning, Sydney had a problem with eating, where it will vomit back all the food and sometimes diarrhea. We took it to the vet for several times because of the vomiting and diarrhea and also there were cough-like sound everytime it run. Although with all the medications, Sydney was still having those symptoms. But we continued giving it the medications given.

Sydney, before I went back to college

After my semester break was over, I went back to college, and I was missing Sydney all the while. I keep updates on how Sydney was with my brother and he sent pictures to me and I was surprised how fast it grew! After 5 months away, I finally came back home and I was surprised to see how big it became, but my Sydney still remembers me! Then my routine of playing with it 24-7 resumed.

Sydney, while I was away in college

Sydney with Kenya

After a month at home, I went back to college and again, leaving my Sydney behind. Still keeping updates with my brother, one day he called saying Sydney had given birth! I was so excited that I wanted to go back home, but alas, I can't..

I kept asking how are the puppies and he informed that Sydney gave birth to 7 puppies but 3 of it didn't make it. I was excited to wait for my next semester break to go back home and meet the extended family.

Sydney and her adorable puppies

Then one day, my mother called and told me that Sydney was dead. I was in shocked and I called my brother to ask why. After the phone call I could not stop myself from crying and feeling so down for few days. On my semester break, I went back home and I was so happy to see all four of Sydney's children. they all looked exactly the same as the mother. Although I was really sad not to get to see Sydney there, but I still feel as if it was Sydney I was playing with, cos her children are just like her when she was just a puppy.

And now, I can't wait for my semester break to yet again, be with her children.

Pharaoh Game

Gawd, I have forgotten about this game. I first played this back in 2000 I think, when I got the CD from my brother. I totally fell in love with it, and I remembered playing it 24-7. It's a game set on ancient Egypt where you build a settlements and cities.

It's some kind of a strategy game where you need to meet the objectives of each scenarios of the game. You will start out by building a small settlement, and from there on you'll be given missions after missions, and each mission gets harder each time.

I tried playing the game again this week, and although the graphic and the controls are not as advance as the latest strategy games available, I still am in love with the game! It's been 9 years and playing it back after all these years is still a treat for me. Maybe after I finished all the missions I will play it again after 9 more years, maybe I'll do a review in it again, ahahah! But come to think of it.. after 9 years.. I'll be like - OLD! OMG! Will I still be playing these kind of games??? >.<

My Favourite Poem Collection 1

I Love You Too Much

My heart was yours from the time we kissed
That day I'll never forget
My world was ending
Until you took my hand

I've been waiting so long to find a love like you
You've got me bursting out of my shell
I can tell that I've fallen way into the deep
Your heart I'm gonna keep

I love you too much for it to last
Can something so strong destroy itself?
And everything inside me is so afraid to let myself
just love you
But I do

Take a look around
See what you've made me feel
Finally something real
And I owe it all to you
Everywhere we go people want to stare at us
I don't care
As long as you are there
No one else matters
Just wanna get lost in your love again

I was afraid to give my heart
Afraid that you'll take it for granted
Break it apart
But now I know
That cannot be
I love you too much not to trust
That you love me


One Wish

If I could have just one wish,
I would wish to wake up everyday
to the sound of your breath on my neck,
the warmth of your lips on my cheek,
the touch of your fingers on my skin,
and the feel of your heart beating with mine...
Knowing that I could never find that feeling
with anyone other than you.

Brüno

Having nothing to do at home one day, me and my friend decided to watch Bruno, a movie directed by Larry Charles. This movie is strongly recommended for those who enjoyed watching Borat (Sacha Baron Cohen).

The movie is about a flamboyant gay fashion journalist, Bruno (portrayed by Sacha Baron Cohen) who was fired after ridiculing himself on a Milan Fashion Week catwalk. After being dumped by his lover Diesel, Bruno travelled to the United States to become a superstar, accompanied by his assistant's assistnant, Lutz.

Bruno's attempts of being famous started off by being an extra on NBC's Medium, which he was later on fired. He then produced his own show which was firmly rejected due to its inappropriate contents, which I find rather hilarious. And there were lots of other unsuccessful attempts he did that were plain retarded.

A word of warning tho, this movie is NOT for those who hate Borat, Gays, and stupid jokes. This movie is totally NOT for those under 18 too.

It's You

When I say it's you that I want, I very well mean it. It's not like I simply say those words to you. In everything I do, it's you that I first put my priority on. It's you that matter most to me.

I would never take you for granted, for I know that a person like you comes once in a lifetime, and I won't risk that by doing anything stupid. No one else means to me as much as you do, no one else comes close to on how I feel for you, no one else would ever make me feel the way that you do..and you gotta trust me on that.

I've never been happier, and you are the reason for that. I've never loved anyone the way that I am with you, it makes me feel all the wonderful feelings and I am addicted to it, simply because of you. It would be stupid of me to even think of throwing and losing it all away, it would be stupid of me to ever want to stop loving you.. Although you always say I'm stupid, but dear..in this matter, I am not, and never will.

And, I just hope I make you feel the way that you make me feel..cos how you make me feel is just so damn great!

Running for Sanity

Sometimes I wish I were a little kid, where I do not have to think of anything - except for what mum's gonna cook today.. Which was always my favourite dish.

Sometimes I just want a time off from everything, I just want to be that little girl I once was, sitting on my mother's lap and feel her stroking my head gently. That was the only time I ever feel safe, a haven for all of my insecurities.

Argghh!! My sanity is failing me!!

All I can do now to take the load off my head is to run, and never stop running till all my energy runs out of me. It has been that way ever since I was in college, I need to run everytime I feel tense or am about to go crazy. That's all I need, to be sane again..

I don't know why I find it hard to express it, maybe I am not used to let my guard down, and let someone knows my weaknesses and my worries. I know I should be grateful and thankful to have someone to share my feelings with, but please give me time..I will somehow..just give me some time..and don't give up on me..

Here is a part of a poem by Charles C. Finn - Please Hear What I'm Not Saying . I find that the extracted poem below explains pretty much on how and what I feel..

Please Hear What I'm Not Saying

I panic at the thought of my weakness and fear being exposed.
That's why I frantically create a mask to hide behind,
a nonchalant sophisticated facade,
to help me pretend,
to shield me from the glance that knows.
But such a glance is precisely my salvation.
My only hope and I know it.
That is, if it's followed by acceptance,
if it's followed by love.
It's the only thing that can liberate me from myself,
from my own self-built prison walls,
from the barriers I so painstakingly erect.
It's the only thing that will assure me of what I can't assure myself,
that I'm really worth something.

But, I don't tell you this. I don't dare. I am afraid to.
I am afraid your glance will not be followed by acceptance,
will not be followed by love.
I'm afraid you'll think less of me, that you'll laugh,
and your laugh would kill me.
I'm afraid that deep-down I'm nothing, that I'm just no good,
and that you will see this and reject me.

So I play my game, my desperate pretending game,
with a facade of assurance without
and a trembling child within.
So begins the glittering but empty parade of masks,
and my life becomes a front.
I idly chatter to you in the suave tones of surface talk.
I tell you everything that's really nothing,
and nothing of what's everything,
of what's crying within me.
So when I am going through my routine,
do not be fooled by what I'm saying.
Please listen carefully and try to hear what I'm not saying,
what I'd like to be able to say,
what for survival I need to say,
but what I can't say.

Should There Be a Reason?

I wonder if there should be a reason to love someone. I can never answer this question everytime I was asked "Why do you love me?"

When I love someone, the feeling comes from within. A feeling that I myself could not understand. A feeling that makes me want to care about that person, a feeling that makes me want to be there for that person, a feeling that makes me think of that person constantly.

When I try to find the reasons for being in love, I couldn't think of any. Beauty may fade one day, and when that day comes, I will still love you. A person's personality changes all the time, and when yours does, I will still love you. It's true that sometimes we get into each other's nerves and sometimes we can't stand each other, but that's not a good enough reason not to be in love with you.

For me, to love someone for a reason is not love at all, because you love that person because of certain criterion or standards that the person possess. What happens if those things you love are gone? Will you still love that person?

Things you do and things you say, may not always be pleasant, but those are the things what makes you - YOU. And that is what I love, YOU.